By, Bachar Bakour
Parenting is among the most profound and demanding responsibilities entrusted to human beings. It is not merely a biological or social function, but a deeply moral and spiritual journey that combines emotional commitment with the responsibility of guiding a new generation towards a meaningful and purposeful life. In the Islamic worldview, upbringing is a sacred trust (amānah), requiring not only knowledge and practical skill, but also wisdom, emotional strength, and steadfast faith.
This framework draws on contemporary Islamic educational thought—particularly the contributions of Dr. ʿAbd al-Karīm Bakkār—to articulate five foundational principles for effective upbringing. These principles move beyond theoretical abstraction to offer a balanced, practical, and spiritually grounded approach to parenting. They address key challenges of the modern age, including preserving identity in an increasingly open world, maintaining meaningful relationships in the face of digital distraction, and cultivating strong moral character.
At its core lies the conviction that successful upbringing is not solely a human effort, but a form of partnership with God—one that requires patience, persistence, and a deep appreciation of each child as a unique individual entrusted to parental care.
Principle One: Preconditions of Effective Upbringing: Knowledge, Responsibility, and Tawfīq
Effective parenting begins not with techniques, but with a sound understanding of the nature of the task itself. Raising children is a complex, long-term process that demands knowledge, emotional balance, practical wisdom, and experience. Yet all such efforts ultimately derive their value from divine guidance (tawfīq). Parents must therefore recognise that outcomes are gradual; the fruits of upbringing emerge over time, not instantaneously.
Central to this principle is a strong sense of personal responsibility. Parents cannot rely solely on external institutions or social structures to raise their children. The primary duty rests with them, and this sense of accountability is a defining feature of stable and successful families. Many contemporary family crises can be traced to deeper moral and spiritual deficiencies—such as weakened faith, diminished responsibility, and the prioritisation of personal desires over ethical commitments.
Equally important is recognising the individuality of each child. Children differ in temperament, capacity, and responsiveness; therefore, a uniform parenting approach is ineffective. Some children may be naturally cooperative, while others present greater challenges. This diversity requires parents to continually refine their understanding, expand their educational awareness, and adapt their methods accordingly. In this light, parenting itself becomes an act of worship, with its rewards extending beyond immediate outcomes to both this life and the hereafter.
Principle Two: Preserving Moral Identity Amid Global Influences
In today’s interconnected world, isolation is neither possible nor desirable. Islamic upbringing seeks to cultivate individuals who are both spiritually grounded and socially effective—capable of engaging the world while remaining firmly rooted in faith and values.
This requires a balanced outlook. On one hand, Muslims are part of the global human community and can benefit from its knowledge, tools, and advancements. On the other hand, they maintain a distinct moral and epistemological framework derived from their religious tradition. This dual awareness enables parents to engage critically with the surrounding environment, selecting what is beneficial while filtering out what contradicts core principles.
Unlike previous generations, modern families live in an “open environment,” where global influences penetrate the home through media and technology. While this openness offers opportunities, it also carries risks. Since human needs and challenges are largely universal, Muslim children encounter many of the same influences as their global peers. Therefore, parents must adopt a selective approach—embracing beneficial practices while safeguarding their children from harmful values. This selectivity is guided by a clear hierarchy of values rooted in faith.
Principle Three: The Centrality of the Family Environment
Among the various environments that shape a child—school, society, and religious institutions—the family remains the most influential. However, a positive family environment does not emerge automatically; it must be consciously cultivated.
This environment is shaped by the character of family members, the values they uphold, the quality of their relationships, and their shared lifestyle. Within this structure, the role of both parents is critical. An imbalance—particularly when one parent carries the burden of upbringing alone—can negatively affect the child’s development, potentially leading to dependency or behavioural imbalance. By contrast, a harmonious and value-driven partnership between parents fosters emotional stability and moral growth.
Principle Four: Parenting as Meaningful Interaction
Parenting is not a one-sided process of instruction, but an ongoing, dynamic interaction. Children are not passive recipients; they are active participants whose thoughts, questions, and experiences must be acknowledged and engaged.
The quality of this interaction profoundly shapes a child’s character. A nurturing environment fosters empathy, openness, and moral awareness, while a harsh or rigid atmosphere may produce resistance, insensitivity, or poor behaviour. Effective interaction requires attentiveness to everyday exchanges and includes practices such as responding thoughtfully to questions, discussing aspirations and concerns, clarifying core values, involving children in decision-making, and respecting their developing sense of autonomy.
Excessive control, constant criticism, and rigid thinking, however, undermine this process, often leading to resentment and stubbornness. Moreover, modern technologies—particularly digital media and electronic games—can weaken family interaction by encouraging isolation. For this reason, successful parenting requires intentional effort to maintain meaningful communication and to shape a coherent vision for the family’s future, grounded in Islamic values and informed awareness of contemporary realities.***
Dr Bachar Bakour is an Associate Professor from AbdulHamid AbuSulayman Kulliyyah of Islamic Revealed Knowledge and Human Sciences (AHAS KIRKHS), IIUM.
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