Hope, support, and acceptance are important to single mothers

By Rafiqi Yusoff

Gombak, 12 November 2022: The title of ‘single motherhood’ is not as easy as it seems, as it connotes the struggles that most single mothers go through in their lives as they raise their children alone.

Realising this fact, a forum entitled “The Story behind Single Mothers: Stigma, Struggle and Entrepreneurship” was organised by the Secretariat of Sociology and Anthropology (SOCASA) on Thursday (10 November).

Aimed to raise awareness about the challenges and struggles of single motherhood, the forum was held to single out the bittersweet journey of single mothers of which is barely highlighted in Malaysia.

One of the panelists, the Founder of Pertubuhan Kebajikan the Gagaks Selangor, Ms. Alya Shahida Allias, shared her experience juggling between her career and taking care of her two biological children and two adopted children as a single mother after her marriage came to an end.

She conceded that despite everyone having their own struggles in life, the struggles of single mothers in raising their children are ‘real’. Children are the priority of single mothers like her.

“I have been working hard for my kids as I don’t want them to have a difficult life,” Alya remarked about her experience as a single mother who is working and raising her children at the same time.

Alya surmised that she had never struggled financially in raising her children due to the paramount support systems that she consistently received from family and friends whom she is forever beholden to.

Apart from the support system, Alya also reckoned that having faith in Allah and good intentions are among the paramount keys to raising her children as a single mother.

“As long as your intention is good, Allah will make our ways easier as he only gives you the things we can take,” Alya added.

Meanwhile, the Deputy Chairman of the Federal Territories and Selangor Islamic Single Mother Organization, Madam Rohana Abdul Wahab, whose struggles and hard work in raising her children alone after the demise of her husband twelve years ago finally paid off  when all of them have become university graduates.

Rohana found a community of single mothers as her support system as she reckoned her status as a ‘single mother’ did not mean she could not successfully handle raising her children alone without a husband.

“For me, not all single mothers are poor and underprivileged as they receive a lot of support from both government and NGOs. Sometimes, I also defend non-single mothers and ask them to get some financial assistance,” Rohana remarked.

Rohana further mentioned that the social stigma towards single mothers is constantly negative in our community in which she advised that single mothers have to be strong in facing this in spite of not being emotionally strong.

However, Rohana hoped that by sharing her journey in raising successful children with the public, it could break the negative stigma about single mothers as it is often said that they cannot survive without the help of their husbands.

The Chief Executive Officer of Training & Consulting Specialist Celebrating Thinkers Sdn Bhd, Dr Fatimah Abu Bakar, who attended the forum virtually, encouraged single women to always be positive in all situations.

Following her journey as a single mother, Dr. Fatimah regarded her experience as a divorcee as a wakeup call for women to be independent as she remarked, “at the end of the day, we only have ourselves, that’s what I have learned as a single mother for 10 years.”

Dr. Fatimah highlighted that self-leadership is also important for women, especially for single mothers, who need to get back on their feet, and not let negative stigma constantly affect single mothers.

“Single women who are divorced always think about that which is not enough within themselves and they also internalise all the stigmas about them,” Dr. Fatimah said.

She also advised all single mothers to accept God’s will as everything will always go back to Allah which all Muslims ought to believe in.

Dr. Fatimah further believed that our country has progressed in many ways due to the advancement of social media that enables single mothers to reach out for help whenever they face any difficulties.

She also reflected that it is important for women to “be a support mechanism for each other by giving mental, moral, and financial support to one another. Instead of being our own enemies”. ***

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