By Siti Nurzahra Rusdi
A film is a form of art and it has the power to shape our view of life either in a helpful or hurtful manner. It is time to question how dangerous it can be if we are deeply influenced by the unrealistic universe portrayed by films.
When the Twilight series hit the cinemas twelve years ago, the relationship between Edward and Bella becomes a heated discussion among viewers. Edward has a habit of sneaking into Bella’s room when she is sleeping, just to watch her sleeping. In the movie, that behaviour is shown as the height of romance, but in real life? Edward just invaded Bella’s privacy. Edward is also being overly protective of Bella, controls where she goes and who she talks to.
This might sound romantic, but apparently it is not. For me, that is an obsession. And one must draw a clear line between being protective and being obsessive. According to National Domestic Hotline, these are all signs of an emotionally abusive relationship.
Then, there is Bella who always threatens to commit suicide if Edward leaves her. Ironically, she still decides to leave everything behind and dies – and to be resurrected as a vampire, just so they can be together forever. This ‘romance’ is the exact opposite of a healthy relationship and it is time for us to stop glorifying this kind of action.
Another film that I recently found disturbing is The Notebook, an adaptation of Nicholas Spark’s novel. The Notebook is a film that a 16-year old me holds very dearly – thinking that The Notebook was perhaps the most romantic thing I had ever seen after A Walk To Remember.
Unfortunately, as time flies, I realised that the hero in the film is not actually a hero – the same goes with the heroine. Both of them are abusers. With constant arguing, they scream and hit at each other. On top of that, Noah is totally obsessed over Allie, verbally abusive, and even threatens to commit suicide if he could not be with Allie.
Again, these are all signs of being emotionally and physically abused – still, some normalise this action by romanticising abuses as a grand form of romantic gesture to prove one’s love.
In another movie, a prince who has been cursed into a bad-tempered beast imprisoned Belle in his castle in return for letting her father go free. They fall in love. Her devotion as well as kindness turns him back into a prince. The bad-tempered beast then lives happily ever after with Belle as his princess, and this is the story of Beauty and the Beast.
I bet everyone knows that Beauty and the Beast is a Disney film with the most worrying message – like how Belle falls in love with the violent beast who even threatens to kill her.
This film sparks a bizarre idea and an unrealistic illusion that if a woman is pretty and sweet-natured, she can change an abusive man into a kind gentleman. That idea is very dangerous especially to young kids who have a deep love for Beauty and the Beast.
The romanticising of abusive relationship does not only occur in Hollywood; even in Asia, it seems that movies love romanticising abusive relationship. The Mood of The Day, Love Forecast, and Burning are among films that often normalise abusive and violent behaviour.
In Malaysia, the movie Ombak Rindu clearly promotes various forms of abuses against a wife. Most disturbing is how the plot depicts normalising abuses by exploiting religion that a wife shall obey the husband as justification for violence to be committed by the husband.
In many ways, romanticising of abusive relationship has been overstretched in films and dramas. The question is, until when such portrayal of abusive relationship will continue and when will it stop? And when will society realise that they are in fact being exposed to a delusion between fantasy and reality that put them in a dilemma?
Having said that, many of us are still clueless and ignorant about what it means to be in an abusive relationship by associating it with love. Love and abuse are two completely different things. And when we merge these two concepts, we are not only romanticising abusive acts but also acknowledging and glorifying them.
There are multiple forms of abuses which include physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, manipulation or overly control by a partner, and by exerting control over finance.
The worst thing about an abusive relationship is that it will eventually lead to domestic violence and when that happened you may be at a risk of losing your lives.
Everyone deserves to be safe. No one should be allowed to be abused and no one should be a victim. The choice is yours as happiness is in your own hands. ***
Useful information:
If you are a victim or if you know someone who is being victimised, these are the ways that can help you get out from the situation:
- Contact Women Aid Organisation (WAO)
- WAO hotline :+603 7956 3488 (24 hours)
- SMS or WhatsApp TINA : +6018 988 8058 (24 hours)
- Go to the “One Stop Crisis Centre” at Government Hospitals
- Obtain an ‘Emergency Protection Order (EPO)’ from the Social Welfare Department (JKM)
- Make a police report and apply for an Interim Protection Order at the police station