By Hana Mazhar
When your friends bully you, do not think you are weak, you are stronger because you still choose to be with them. This is something I learned on my own as I was growing up. As I attended an all-girls school, there was a lack of competition, but girls would often pick on each other as much as possible, it seemed like a hobby. Humiliation was part of a daily routine, but things took a turn of events when I became the focus.
My ex-friends today play a prime role in my life for helping me become who I am today. I still remember the time they were my friends, they always disparaged me and spoke repugnant things about me to others. I used to be ‘that’ girl who had no one to talk to at school. When I was being bullied, the only worrisome issue that concerned me every day included “Who would I sit with at school today?“, “Who would I have lunch with today?”. Â
I won’t lie I literally took story books to school so that when everyone was chattering with their friends at breaks, I would save myself the humiliation and say ”oh I’m not with my friends because I am reading my story book, I tell you it’s so interesting!”. Sadly, most of the time I was not even reading! In actuality, I had no friends and yes, of course, they laughed at me and I kept pretending like I didn’t notice.
One day while browsing on YouTube, I came across a song named ‘I was here by Beyonce’. This song basically talked about how she wanted to leave her footprints behind, and not just be remembered by her name but by her deeds, the good she did to serve people in need. The reason that this song spoke to me on a complete different degree and had a very deep impact in my life was because when I was bullied in high school, this song helped me elevate myself from the sadness that followed me. This affected me critically most of my teenage life.
Whenever I listen to this song, it makes me realise that ridiculing someone to feel good about yourself is not an act or gesture that gives you actual happiness. Almost like when people feel victorious after a war, what is victory with no survivors? On the brighter side, because of the challenges (social anxiety, depression) my ex-friends made me face I found my passion, my passion for painting.
Instead of cutting and weeping I held a brush every day and painted happiness for myself, I found my inner strength. Whenever sadness would befall me, I would paint my thoughts and my feelings. After painting for about half a year, I managed to sell some of my paintings and I wish to continue selling them.
Maybe the money I earned can be a helping hand in someones life; I would want the unprivileged to know that there is someone who is willing to help, because I know what it is like to not have anyone to share your sorrows or happiness with. Wanting to leave my footprints behind and to be remembered not just by my name but also by my deeds, to know that I meant something in somebodys life and I did everything that I wanted. I left this world just a little bit better!
“Do not let anyone overrule you by telling you who you are, instead define your own self, Hana Mazhar, the victim of bullying.” ***