By Fatihah Zaini
I wake up every morning feeling restless and fatigue. I feel like I am missing a lot of exciting events because studying fills up my days.
When Coronavirus-19 (COVID-19) hit us in December 2019, everything has somewhat changed. Our lives practically has stopped and time seems to move a bit slower than usual. A post on Twitter I once encountered says, “2020 starts on January and ends on March”. As I tried to recall who wrote it, I could not help but to agree.
Malaysia imposed its movement control order (MCO) on 18 March 2020, in the hope to curb the pandemic. All schools, businesses and travelling had to be shut down due to the increase in the number of COVID-19 cases.
For what may seem like a good measure, it is not always rainbow for those who are struggling.
As a student, I did not have to survive through challenges be it with my family or in my home. I have to admit, I love my home, it was a safe haven, at least to me and I will never understand other people’s struggles.
However, as I spent more time, alone, without friends, I started to miss all the chatters and laughters during every lunch break, the never-ending running from one place to another and the gossips my roommates shared between meals. Those were the days.
I remember my friend, Farah Syahira told me, “I need to go back to Melaka. It is the place where I used to hang out with my friends, late at night after a stressful day. COVID-19 is a tough fella.”
Upon hearing what she said, I was stunned. She is right all along. COVID-19 is not just a virus but it has killed off our hopes and dreams and the vision we once had for the future. The air is filled with unfamiliar feeling, people are becoming more and more terrified to breathe.
It is, as if, the virus has taken up the metonymy of living.
An interesting article I read in OHBULAN!, tells a story of an experienced pilot of Malaysia Airlines who had to be laid off from his job due to the pandemic. He said for months, he had been staying at home, watching television and YouTube, which then gave him a gateway to start his own burger business, called ‘Burger Smashed’.
Naeem Nasir said, “I was really devastated when I could not go to work as usual, and now Burger Smashed will produce high quality burgers with reasonable prices.”
Naeem’s story is indeed an inspiration that giving up is never the answer, especially when everything else falls apart.
Reading through people’s struggles made me realise that everyone is not privileged and even if they are, God will always find His way to open a thousand new opportunities for those who are still battling during tough days.
A student who goes by the name Ainun Nur Atikah, expressed her frustration with online classes on her Twitter’s post, “ODL (Open and Distance Learning) is never easy when you’re at home because you’re a student, daughter and sister all at the same time.”
Many students agree with what Ainun said because they understand the challenges of being a student with a lot of responsibilities at their doorstep. They have no choice but to be strong, heads up and pretend that everything is fine.
In reality, they must have felt suffocated. To wake up feeling enlivened is like walking on eggshells, waiting to burst out. To get through the day is like walking on bumpy roads, waiting to get hurt.
Personally, not in a million years I thought I would say this, but these days studying feels like a coping mechanism. I choose to forget how 2020 makes me feel because it has been a rough journey. Less than a month left until this year ends, but nothing changes.
It is rather saddening that students go unnoticed. People do not really care because they have their own worries. Worry of what may come tomorrow. Worry of what kind of food to put on the table. Worry of where to find their source of living if the company goes under the hill.
Sometimes, it is easier to just ignore and move forward. Although, there are a lot of people out there who need mental and physical support, at the end of the day, they only have themselves.
Undeniably, humans need humans to pat each other’s back and say “all is well”. It may seem a simple gesture but even the most irrelevant thing can be relevant.
As I write this article, I feel a surge of loneliness. It is rather strange to feel this way when it was my decision to stay in campus. Without the presence of people, here in university, night time feels a bit colder.
Trees are all dead.
Birds are all gone.
While street lights beaming through the windows, only emptiness can be heard. Often times, I let my gaze out to the space, I notice that the city is no longer alive. It made me wish that one day, if COVID-19 decides to make its way into the blue ocean and disappears, it leaves no trace of where it belongs.
My words to my people out there, do not hold back. Cry if you feel like it, scream if you feel like it and run if you feel like it. It is a brutal year for all of us, so be kind. Wake up every morning before sunrise to start each day as a new chapter and make up for the time lost.
Someday, when the pandemic is over, it is all going to be in the past. Although, our lives will never be the same, but it is always exciting to see where life would take us. I believe that each one of us has our own force to fight back.
Hence, dear COVID-19, you came without a warning and you may leave willingly.
For now, reminiscing of the good old days seems to be our only hope as Franklin D. Roosevelt once said, “When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” ***
(This article is written as part of individual assignment series for Feature Writing class)