By Ahmad Faizuddin
Over decades, patterns like population movement, economic development, social improvement and modernisation have significantly affected families. Husband and wife, as the smallest community, is where the bigger society springs up. For that reason, any government institution should take good care of the family. When we take care of family, immediately we take care of the society.
I remember that the dining table was a wonderful education site for me. I learned a lot from my father and my mother when we sit down together. Parents are in fact like medical doctors who constantly examine their children. They will question you this and that. This is where the real education starts. A child personality develops during this formative era.
It is a whole new world when we grow up and get married. Some people believe marriage is like a workshop where a husband works and a wife shops. Marriage life could turn out very nasty and problematic, especially when the children are involved in. Even in a close family, among brothers and sisters, there could be a fight over properties.
According to Prof. Dr. Najibah Mohd Zain, when we talk about marriage, we should always value peace culture (baik sangka) and not be prejudiced (buruk sangka). The problems our society face right now are sometimes small, but we cannot manage them well. Therefore, responsibilities and rights must come together. How can we expect to raise good children if parents cannot provide good examples?
Lack of knowledge and spirituality becomes a big issue. In some African countries, like Nigeria, polygamy is very rampant. It is a culture. In India and Nepal, women have been used as surrogate mothers to produce children. And today, all over the world, we have more complicated issues like gay, lesbian, man-animal marriages, etc. As far as the law is concerned, marriage must be biologically between a man and a woman. So what are the rights and responsibilities for those cases then?
Regarding the rights and duties of parents, togetherness is a great contributing factor. In marriage, normally when we have children, we have to wake up at night. There should be good cooperation between the husband and the wife. The husband, for example, should help with changing the baby’s diaper, feeding, etc. A research in Australia concluded that many incest cases happened due to parents not wanting to be involved in the steps during their child up-bringing. It gives impact on the success of family relationship.
Men are basically the protectors and maintainers of women. Therefore, men’s main responsibility is to fulfil basic needs and security. However, many women now are becoming breadwinners of the family. Perhaps due to lack of understanding and responsibility, many young couples get divorced early. But we should remember that a divorce is a right to be pronounced only in case of real necessity after several attempts at reconciliation have been made and failed.
Sometimes it is related to psychological violence. In one case, a wife reported that her husband called her stupid. However, as a wife, she still has a responsibility to fulfil for her husband as long as not going against the legal principles. So what should we do then? Let the men do their job so they know their responsibilities. Even though husbands may have a lower salary, still they have responsibilities. Let there be mutual respect and equitable treatment.
We need to nurture all the good values in the family. We need to know how to handle and understand family, not only knowing how to cook food or make cupcakes. Since we cannot avoid conflict, what we do need is a peace culture within the family. Parents as the first teachers, are expected to be good role models for their children.***
The Writer is a Ph.D. student at Kulliyyah of Education, Educational Management and Leadership, International Islamic University Malaysia (IIUM) | Address: Kulliyyah of Education, IIUM, Gombak, Selangor, P.O. Box 10, 50728, Kuala Lumpur | Email: akhi.faizuddin@gmail.com| Mobile Phone: +60178813515
Picture from Pasco County Schools